WWE HELL IN A CELL - 4 de Outubro de 2009

DARK MATCH: Matt Hardy vs Mike Knox


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HELL IN A CELL – WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
The Undertaker defeated C.M. Punk to win the World Heavyweight title
So low and behold I’m expecting a solid mid card match to begin the evening. Maybe the US Title Match or even the Jericho/Big Show vs. Batista/Mysterio match. No. We open with the World Heavyweight Title Match.

What? You don’t open with a World Title Match to warm the crowd up. This is where solid mid-carders or scrubs that we can make fun of perform for our amusement. The fact that the PPV opened with a World Title match could only mean one of two things:

1. Taker is severely injured and needed to keep the match short to go easy on him. But even then you could have saved it near the end of the card and still kept it a bit short to go easy on the Undertaker’s injuries.

2. CM Punk made the WWE angry somehow. It’s the only logical reason (besides an apparent injury) to the open the card this way. (There are reports now that Punk is in a lot of trouble over comments he made internally about John Cena and the dress code in the company. Word to the wise Punk: Never talk smack on the top star in the company. It never leads to anything good. Just ask the Ravens after Sunday’s loss.)

The match itself was meh. I love CM Punk as a performer and as a wrestler. He has a great gimmick that works whether he is a heel or a face, and he’s a great character that the fans love to hate. It’s a shame that he wasn’t utilized more with his title reign. The WWE could have established him as a monster heel (bad guy) that was a serious champion. But I guess since Punk didn’t want to change from his hoodie and blue jeans attire, he’s now in the doghouse. Unfortunately he had to carry Taker throughout the short match. You can tell Taker was looking very sluggish and struggled to perform his basic moveset. (Rumors of hip replacement surgery are rampant throughout the locker room. I give him a ton of credit though. I’m not moving off the couch to take a whiz, let alone wrestle in a match if someone cut into me and replaced my hip. F that noise.)

Taker wins with the Tombstone Piledriver in the match that he made famous. The match was far too short and completely took the excitement out of the crowd right the opening get go.




WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH
John Morrison defeated Dolph Ziggler to retain the WWE Intercontinental title
I like Dolph Ziggler as a wrestler, but doesn’t the name Dolph Ziggler sound like he should have been Ivan Drago’s sparring partner in Rocky IV? The Russian leader in the background saying “Everything he hits, he destroys!” while Ziggler is getting pummeled by Drago’s juiced up fists of fury. Seriously that needs to be his gimmick; The ex sparring partner of Ivan Drago who’s taking his revenge out on the WWE. I’m telling you it’s gold. I now demand it and will play the old CCCP National Anthem when he comes out of the curtain.

Anyway this was the match that got the most time on the card, and it was pretty decent. It’s obvious that the WWE are grooming these guys to be future stars in the company and they booked the match pretty well to showcase their abilities. It wasn’t a bad effort by the two but I just wish Ziggler didn’t have a 4 move Lex Luger set. I literally think he had a headlock on Morrison for half the match. Then he just hit puches and a Rocker Dropper. That was his entire offense. He’s a really athletic guy, but he just needs to have some flashes of instant offense in there. Morrison wins with the Starship Pain to retain the title. And nine year old girls everywhere in the WWE Universe rejoice.




WWE DIVAS TITLE MATCH
Mickie James defeated Alicia Fox to retain the WWE Diva’s title
For many people in the arena, this was the time to get up, stretch, get food, and use the bathroom if you had to. Fox proved that she didn’t even succeed during day 1 of training, which is BUMPING. You heard absolutely nothing when this girl hit the mat. This match was nothing special, Mickie tried to make it decent but to no avail. Fox hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and body scissors in the middle of the match to try and get the heat. Eventually Mickie goes for her DDT, Fox counters and goes for a scissors kick, but Mickie counters that with a very painful and botched looking jumping DDT for the win. You definitely heard it when Fox hit the match that time.




UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Chris Jericho & The Big Show defeated Batista & Rey Mysterio to retain the titles
The bromance between the Big Show and Wrestling demi-god Chris Jericho continue as they defend their titles against Roid Rage Batista and Rey Mysterio.

Just throwing this out there. I know a lot of marks (supposedly smart wrestling fans) who watch wrestling love to complain that the WWE doesn’t utilize tag teams like they used to in the 80’s and early 2000’s, and that they’re wasting the division by just putting two mid carders or main eventers together to form a tag team. Well guess what? No one cares about tag teams. I was never really a fan of the matching uniformed tag team to begin with. I always thought it was kind of stupid, and frankly kind of corny. Yeah I’m sure fans really pine for the Killer Bees, (yes. Bee Costumes) the Highlanders (just guess) and the Headbangers. (yup) Quit complaining and deal with it. The best tag team matches that have ever happened in the industry have usually involved main event players or really good mid carders joining together and putting on a fantastic show. Why is that you ask? Because people aren’t paying good money to watch two guys in kilts or bee costumes. I want to see Chris Jericho and the Big Show as a team. They have a fantastic dynamic together, and by god Chris Jericho could wrestle a billy goat and I’d pay my hard earned money. Well it’s not really hard earned. On with the show…

Actually continuing the rant… everyone should be thankful that Jericho is thrown together with the Big Show as the Tag Champs, because you get to see them on both Raw and Smackdown, and frankly more Jericho = better product because Jericho > you. A typical affair between high powered athletes such as Batista and Show. Limited move sets. Not much athleticism. And throwing around smaller wrestlers like me throwing out PETA ads. Fast and hard. That’s what she said. Again nothing spectacular about this match except for Show lifting up Mysterio by his head from apron to the middle of the ring. That was much needed awesomeness. Everyone hits their signatures. The crowd cheers. Everyone still loves Rey and marks cheer for Jericho. Show and Jericho take the win when Show punches the ever living bejeezus out of Rey Rey as he tried to jump on him or something like that.




HELL IN A CELL – WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Randy Orton defeated John Cena to win the WWE Championship
For approximately the 2537th time, Orton faces Cena for the strap. Great…Granted they had a really great match at Breaking Point, but it’s time to stop the feud. It’s been going on since the Reagan administration and frankly it needs to stop. From the get go of the match, I was noticing that so far that for having a large section of the PPV involved with the Hell in a Cell, the wrestlers weren’t really utilizing the cell that much. They were just pretending like it was a normal match and just not caring that a giant cage was around them. It was like they were uninterested guinea pigs and we were the tampering humans that kept rattling on the cage hoping they would do something. Alright enough of my strange childhood…

Another typical ho hum affair between these two. Unlike the Breaking Point match, this could have been on Raw telecast and I wouldn’t have been surprised. Very boring from beginning to end. Although it was interesting that Orton got the “clean” win. I don’t think I’ve seen Cena lose cleanly since Predator was in theatres. (Governor Carl Weathers?) And is it me or does Randy Orton look like Foghorn Leghorn lately?




SINGLES MATCH
R-Truth vs. Drew McIntyre

Why the hell was this on a PPV? This couldn’t have been on Superstars aka: Shotgun Saturday Night? Who’s brilliant decision was this to put this match 3rd to last on the card? Brick Tamlin? This match failed to entertain, as evidenced by the silent crowd, and failed to serve its main purpose: getting McIntyre over. McIntyre works over R-Truth with some face locks and other slow-paced offense. Eventually R-Truth goes for a scissors kick, but McIntyre dodges and hits a double underhook DDT for the win. Very uneventful match but it was nothing too bad.




BACKSTAGE SEGMENT:
Randy Orton tried to smarten up Cody Rhodes & DiBiase to the dangers of Hell in a Cell, after Rhodes & Dibiase expressed that they were more interesting in their plans to go out and party after the show..


WWE UNITED STATES TITLE 3-WAY
Kofi Kingston defeated Jack Swagger and Mike “The Miz” Mizanin to retain the title
The Miz rolls out with the funniest promo of the night asking the mayor much like Conan O’Brian to ban him from Newark so he never has to visit the town again. Phenomenal.

The match started off just okay with the heels double teaming Kofi, but picked up midway through. There was a nice spot where Miz was sitting on Swagger’s shoulders and Kofi hit a cross body off the top turnbuckle to Miz. Swagger later hits a top turnbuckle back suplex followed by a Vader Bomb for a near fall. Kofi then gets back into it and hits a leg drop to Swagger but Miz connects with the Skull-Crushing Finale on Kingston. Miz tries for the pin but Swagger puts Kofi’s foot on the bottom rope. Swagger then hits a Gutwrench Powerbomb on Miz, but is caught with the Trouble in Paradise and Kofi gets the win to retain his title. With the heel promo, short match, and babyface victory, this had the look and feel of a house show match. However, it was very entertaining and the crowd was into it.




HELL IN A CELL – TAG TEAM MATCH
DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) defeated Legacy (Ted DiBiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes)
So the main event of the night ends up being the match with no title on the line. Wonderful.

During DX’s entrance, Legacy jumps them from behind and all four men start brawling around the ringside area. DX is able to hit a nice double suplex on Rhodes onto an announce table (I think it was supposed to break but it didn’t) and all 4 men used the cage and television monitors against each other. They also brawled on the crowd for a while and used a chain lock as a weapon before Shawn gets laid out near the cage door and Triple H fights Legacy up the entrance ramp. Legacy gets the upper hand and leaves Triple H out cold on the stage following a double DDT. They then drag Shawn into the Cell and lock the door shut. They then proceeded to tell a good story with Legacy constantly beating down Shawn and Triple H having to find a way inside the Cell. Legacy and HBK traded many blows inside the cage, including slamming each other into the Cell numerous times. Rhodes and Dibiase each separately and individually get HBK in a powerbomb position and ram him into the cage and Rhodes also connected with a chair shot. HBK has a chair dropkicked into his face before Dibiase and Rhodes put on the Figure Four/Million Dollar Dream double submission hold around the ring post before Triple H returns with a bolt cutter. Triple H gets inside and starts to clean house. He eventually hits a Pedigree to Dibiase on the floor before DX tosses Dibiase outside the cage and locks the door. HBK then hits an elbow drop to Rhodes, who had a steel chair wrapped around his neck. Triple H then gets a sledgehammer, and hits Rhodes on the side of his face with hit while Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music to the other side of his face. HBK then gets the pinfall and DX wins. Cody is then put on a stretcher and Ted goes to check on him.

More ramblings by me. I know but just bear with me. There’s a lot of reports that are saying that Vince McMahon is pretty upset about the fact that the WWE can’t create new superstars that are worth a damn. Here’s an idea Vince. When the WWE was in their heyday in from about 97-01, the main even stars were bookended by excellent mid card talent that actually won some main event matches that showed the audience that these new up and comers were to be taken seriously as wrestlers and also showed that they could main event television events and PPV’s. Now obviously you haven’t learned from this experience as 90% of your main event talent are the same people who were headlining back in 01. So here’s a trick. When you have a match that involves two older superstars against two young talented performers, you might want to let the young kids win the main event. You know to promote them, and create them as superstars. What a novel concept right? I seriously should be booking for this company. Except that Legacy didn’t win the match. DX did again. I know that Legacy won the last match and all at Breaking Point but the kids need to win multiple times in a row to elevate them as serious competitors. Whatever. No one listens to me. Especially not my girlfriend. Why should she? I’m not that smart.




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Citação :

OPINIÃO:
Fraco início para este conceito de PPV. O alinhamento foi claramente mal estabelecido e a maior parte dos combates não fez valer o potencial que lhes era atribuído. A falta de sangue na PG WWE também não ajuda, num PPV que se quer estabelecer como violento. Possivelmente o pior PPV do ano, na WWE.

Destaques Positivos:
- Undertaker vs Punk, apesar do muito pouco tempo que tiveram, e da posição no alinhamento.
- John Morrison vs Dolph Ziggler.
- Kofi Kingston vs Jack Swagger vs The Miz.

Destaques Negativos:
- Mau alinhamento: O Main Event não tem títulos em disputa? O Triple H fez birra, foi?
- Má distribuição do tempo: Undertaker vs Punk só recebe 10 minutos?
- Mau booking: Os Legacy são humilhados no Main Event? É assim que querem elevar novos talentos?