The show started with the best in the world, Chris Jericho, outside of the ring trying to petition fans to get him back on Raw. What's funny is that after Raw I check my emails and twitter messages. People have petitions actually set up wanting me to push them in this column. It's an angle, people. Geez.
By the way, in the WWE open they have replaced the Hogan part with Dibiase. A lot of people write me about this too, so this is my acknowledgment to you that I see it. Remember that Vince doesn't care about TNA, though. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
John Cena confronts Sheamus
Cena came out looking energetic. It's the motivated Cena this week rather than the goofy one or the really serious one. He brought out a table and talked about how Sheamus became champion by putting him through one. He says he wants a table match tonight. Sheamus came out, said no to the table match. He wanted to beat him one on one. He also said that the last image of Raw 2009 would be Sheamus standing over Cena. Sheamus then turned his back and Cena jumped him, putting him through the table with the AA. It was a fine opening segment and at about 8 minutes didn't run too long.
Backstage, a drunk or high looking Timbaland (the guest host) talked about the title situation. He called Sheamus vs. Cena the match of the century. Bwahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha. Oh wait, that wasn't a joke. Also the Bella Twins that never wrestle were partying with him while Gail Kim was also there looking like she didn't want to be there. Why don't they use Gail properly? I bet she misses the in-ring action of TNA, but WWE pays more. This segment was brutal.
More backstage, after a quick plug for that Marine 2 movie that I'll never see, Cody and Ted bumped into Randy. Orton said he's thinking of breaking up Legacy. The Baby Oil Boys Club were flabbergasted (fun word, say it out loud), so Randy told them that if they don't win tonight they're out of Legacy and he will beat the hell out of them. When I first heard this I thought Ted was losing. Then I saw his opponent.
Ted Dibiase d. Evan Bourne (*)
Orton was at ringside for this and the next match. It was a nearly three minute Raw special. Bourne being a jobber really sucks. Dibiase countered Air Bourne, then hit his finish for the win while staring at Orton. He gave him that, "let's go shopping for some baby oil after the show" kind of look.
Cody Rhodes d. Mark Henry (1/2*)
They had Mark Henry sell a knee injury. What was great was that he sold it on the floor, but in the ring he forgot to sell it until Rhodes chopped blocked him. Gotta love Kool-Aid man. Rhodes won after going for the knee and hitting a nice looking DDT.
Orton reacted to it without any emotion. It almost seemed like he wasn't happy that they both won. Not sure where this is going, but at least they're doing something with Legacy after DX squashed them in the cell a couple months back.
Backstage, Hunter had Hornswoggle taped to a skateboard while HBK worried about the Bret Hart rumor. Yes, I just wrote about a 40 year old man having a midget taped to a skateboard. Hunter told Shawn to stay out of the Bret Hart stuff and to leave it to Vince. At the same time, Jillian did some singing towards Timbaland, so Trips slid Horny over and he took her out. Brutal.
Maryse d. Kelly Kelly (1/4*)
A two minute special. Kelly looked absolutely gorgeous. He wrestling was not absolutely gorgeous. They seemed to be off on a couple spots. Maryse won with her hair flipping DDT. She did some post match trash talk to Melina (remember she's the Divas champion that barely defends that belt) to suggest that they'll have a match at some point. That's nice.
Outside, Big Show gave Jericho an envelope and told him to let it go. Chris was happy with it.
Vince McMahon Announces Bret Hart as the Guest Host for January 4th
The worst rumor in wrestling history was addressed by Vince as he came out to talk about Bret Hart. They showed a video package that I believe was straight off the DVD. He struggled to get the words out, selling the fact that his character doesn't like Bret. He mentioned that Bret never shook his hand at the Hall of Fame ceremony among other things. He went to leave without announcing it, but out came Shawn Michaels. He asked Vince to book Undertaker vs. Michaels for WrestleMania. Vince said no, saying he doesn't want to piss off Undertaker. He suggests Shawn figure it out himself. I guess that's a suggestion idea that he should win the Rumble and get a title shot at Undertaker. I doubt it happens that way. Then Shawn talked about Bret. He suggested to Vince that it'll be fine and that if Bret hosts "only good things will happen." They said that a few times. I guess the idea is that Shawn will take care of Bret for Vince. Who knows? Crowd reacted pretty favorably to the announcement, which is a good sign.
I thought it was a good segment and I don't care that it took 15 minutes although it made the rest of the show feel rushed. I'm glad that they made it official although I think they should have said it last week on Raw to have two weeks of hype. I'm very excited to see Bret next week. He's an all time favorite of mine. So many possibilities. So much intrigue. I like it. Don't screw it up, WWE. Keep the midget away from him!
Cena got attacked by Sheamus. I guess they're even.
Another brutal segment backstage with a high Timberland. I've settled on high rather than drunk although it was a combo, for sure. MVP was there and Kofi was there. Kofi gets Miz tonight non-title. Miz comes in and Timbaland tells him that if Kofi wins the first match he gets a US title shot right after. Miz busted out his "really" line that he stole from SNL and somehow it led to all of them doing a song using "really." This was already bad. Then, when they cut to Michael Cole singing it at ringside it was even worse. You know what this was, Cole? A vintage terrible segment with a guest host. It actually makes me feel sorry for Bret Hart now. Please keep him away from this shit.
Kofi d. Miz in a non-title match (DUD)
He hit Trouble in Paradise in less than a minute for the win. They went to commercial and started the next match.
Kofi d. Miz via DQ in a US Title Match (1/2*)
This one got a minute and a half. The three minute commercial was longer than the two matches. Orton came out, he attacked Kofi and hit a RKO on him on the floor. This made me happy because I was worried that they would forget about the Orton/Kofi feud. Kofi doesn't need to be in the US title hunt. He's above that.
Backstage, Orton talked about how it's not over with him and Kingston. Next week they'll have a match and he'll end because there's no better way to start the year than with a punt in the head. Oh, how cute.
DX came out for their pre-match hype. Hunter commented on the place being full. It was definitely full, which isn't an every week occurrence. Notice how they don't mention the crowd with the empty seats. Anyway, he did their intro with the usual gay jokes while HBK busted out the "not that there's anything wrong with that" line from Seinfeld. It's well over a decade old and still funny. That's why it's the best comedy show ever. Before the commercial, Jericho came out and sat in the crowd with a ticket in his hand, giving him a front row seat.
DX d. Big Show & Chavo Guerrero (*1/4)
They said Show picked Chavo because he could neutralize Hornswoggle. Yes, because when you need a partner to challenge the tag champs the best choice is THE GUY THAT LOSES TO THE MIDGET ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I don't know why I yelled. It felt necessary. The match got five minutes, which is like an eternity for Raw. They won after Hornswoggle attacked Chavo and HHH beat him with a Pedigree. Yes, two future Hall of Famers had to cheat to beat the guy that loses to the midget. I guess this means Hornswoggle is better than them.
Post match, Jericho threw a tantrum and Michaels superkicked him. Hunter says he gets the rematch, but if they lose next week he's gone from Raw forever. Unlike the last forever, it's real this time. Until the next three hour Raw, I guess. Forever!
Next week we get Bret Hart as the guest host, Orton vs. Kingston (give Kofi the win please!), DX vs. Jerishow for the tag titles and no John Cena because he'll be at the Fiesta Bowl in Phoenix although they didn't say that last part. They're loading up the show to counter TNA even though they say they aren't worried. They shouldn't be worried, but they are also smart to load up next week.
Oh man, they brought Timbaland to introduce the main event. I'm surprised he didn't fall over. Dude really looked wasted. He barely got the intros out. Why would they have him intro them when this match was starting after the two hours meaning it was going to be short anyway?
John Cena d. Sheamus via DQ in a WWE Title Match (*)
The match of the century according to Timbaland! And it got just over two minutes. Cena went for the AA, but Sheamus pulled the ref down and got DQ'd. Post-match, Cena attacked him, but when they got back in the ring Sheamus KO'd him with two kicks to the head. I guess this means a rematch at the Rumble. I think it was lame of WWE to promote this match so heavily only to give it two minutes. They really rushed it.
I wonder if they'll BS people and say Cena's hurt from the kicks. I doubt they'll promote him much at the Fiesta Bowl in Arizona considering it's going opposite Raw.
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Three Stars of the Show
1. Shawn Michaels
2. Vince McMahon
3. Randy Orton
I think I'm being kind with the 4.5. Hey, better than the 3's that I gave it the last couple of weeks. These three weeks of Raw were absolutely brutal. Timbaland was a terrible host. He clearly was on something. At least they didn't have him dominate the show like some of the other bad guest hosts, though. See how positive I am? How much actual in-ring action was on this show? I have it at roughly 16 or 17 minutes. In two hours and 15 minutes! Brutal. I know I have Smackdown to watch for my WWE wrestling fix, but that's pretty low even for Raw standards.
Aren't they screwing Bret Hart by booking all these matches on his show? The whole point of the guest host is that the person has control of the show he's on, yet in Bret's case the big matches are already booked. He's screwed again. Damn you, Vince! (I'm being sarcastic. Relax.)
I really hope Raw gets better in January and beyond. I think these last three were bad because they didn't have a PPV to really promote with 7 weeks between TLC and the Rumble. Next week they'll start the Rumble hype while also having Bret Hart present, so it could lead to good things. I'm probably a little too optimistic, aren't I?
I have to say, I'm seriously excited for Raw on January 4th. Giddy, even. Yeah I said giddy. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Ter 2 Fev 2010 - 20:53